GRATITUDE AND APPRECIATION:-

Gratitude is a quality of the soul. Its opposite, ingratitude, is a quality of the external ego. When we abide in soul consciousness, we give thanks for whatever we have, no matter how little or how much. When in ego consciousness, we are never satisfied, no matter how much we have. Gratitude is being thankful for life's little treasures, grateful for the opportunity to begin the day where we are, understanding the perfect place our karma and God's grace have brought us to. Unfortunately, it is an all-too-common way of our times that when something is done that is good, helpful or loving, it is often overlooked, treated as something expected. No acknowledgement is shown, no appreciation expressed. But if a shortcoming is seen, everyone is swift to point it out! Not only are they swift, quite often they are unkind as well. A Hawaiian civic leader lamented to the Master a few years ago that people are cruel in their complaints. "It's OK to criticize," she said, "but they should be kindly when doing so!"

Let's look at some common examples of not being grateful nor expressing appreciation. First example: The mother of two teenage boys works quite hard every day to take care of her sons' needs at home and at school. They take her efforts totally for granted and never say, "Thanks, Mom." Second example: A wife is faithfully attentive to her husband's needs and supportive of his career. The husband never bothers to thank her for her constant care. Third example: A husband works hard to financially support his family, even toiling weekends to earn extra income. The wife never expresses any thankfulness to him for his tireless efforts. Fourth example: A supervisor at work takes extra time with his staff to help improve their skills and advance their position. However, not one of them ever expresses thanks for his leadership. Unfortunately, they do enjoy an occasional jab at the boss and whispered gossip about his private life.

Here is a insightful quote from Master on gratitude and appreciation. "I have faith in human integrity, in that unfailing 'still small voice of the soul' which each who listens for can hear. We are essentially pure souls temporarily living in a physical body. We can and should use our God-given gift of free will encased in love to make a difference in the world today, even if it is in a small way. All of us making the same difference together do so in a big way. Disciples should be grateful to their Master, husbands to their wives, wives to their husbands, parents to their children, children to their parents, students to their teachers and teachers to their students. It's far more effective to praise others and appreciate what we have than to find fault and complain about what we don't have!"

There is a helpful write-up from Master in Living with Siva in which he gives two specific sadhanas, one for gratitude and the second for appreciation. The idea is to do the sadhana of gratitude first, then the sadhana of appreciation.

The sadhana of gratitude is to take out paper and pen and list all the good that has come into your life during the past five years. As memory is stimulated, the list will grow. Master suggests that if you find yourself not able to even recall one good thing, write several times "I am a spiritual being of light maturing in the ocean of experience." This will stimulate a good memory, which will soon be followed by more. Feelings of loving appreciation will begin to flow toward those who helped you in the good times. Feelings of forgiveness will also well up for the bad times. This sadhana of gratitude echoes the wisdom found in the Kural's eleventh chapter, "On Gratitude:" "It is improper to ever forget a kindness, but good to forget at once an injury received."

The sadhana of gratitude is a good one to do now and then. Of course, if we do it regularly we don't have to go back for the full five years. But definitely if we are feeling, shall we say, a little down, not fully inspired, if we are looking at the glass as half empty rather than half full, it is a good time to do this sadhana, because then we will recall all the inspiring events that have taken place in our life and all the people who have done wonderful things for us.

Focusing on the good things in our life leads naturally to the sadhana of appreciation. This sadhana is to approach those to whom you are grateful and tell them to their face, while looking deep into their eyes, how much you esteem and value them. Be specific. That is the key. You don't want to just say, "You are wonderful."

Rather you want to point out specific qualities so that he or she knows you really, deeply feel what you are saying, that it is not just a surface compliment. Convince him or her that you are sincere by your kind words, smiling face and if appropriate by also giving a big hug.

Unfortunately, such loving encounters do not happen often enough in today's world. Words of appreciation are words people do not frequently hear. Master points out that loving appreciation is a magic formula that works both ways. When we commend another, we are automatically uplifted. He encourages us to express appreciation to community leaders, business associates, spiritual mentors, family members and friends as often as we can.

To prepare yourself for the appreciation sadhana, you can practice by standing before a mirror and looking at your face and saying aloud, "I am grateful to you and appreciate your being in my life." You can then describe the many good actions you have done during the past five years. Once you feel comfortable appreciating yourself, you are ready to begin appreciating others. This exercise helps overcome any shyness you may feel.

A person who is quite well known in the world of helping individuals verbalize appreciation is Helice Bridges. She has visited the island of Kauai a few times and both Gurudeva and I had the opportunity to meet her in person. Helice is the creator of the "Who I am makes a difference" blue ribbon. She is an expert at motivating individuals to express appreciation. Her message to schools is a simple affirmation, "Who I am makes a difference—a social vaccine uniting youth and community to make a difference." She told a number of inspiring stories, one of which is about a teacher who one day acknowledged every student in the class. The teacher spoke to all his students, one at a time, expressing how he appreciated them and mentioning the qualities in them that he valued. He was very careful to verbalize specific qualities for each student. It was not just a generalization, such as "You are wonderful," "You are smart." Rather, the teacher strove to really see the person and acknowledge that student for the different fine qualities that he or she had. Part of this process was what some call a "pay forward." The teacher gave each student two ribbons with the assignment to appreciate one more person outside of the class and then give that person a ribbon with which to appreciate someone else. Having just been praised, the students felt better about themselves, and this catalyzed some of them to express how much they appreciated one or both of their parents—something that would not have happened otherwise.

We have some excellent opportunities coming up to verbalize our appreciation. Mother's Day is coming up in May. You may wonder why Master put Mother's Day, Father's Day and Grandparent's Day in our global activity calendar, even though they are not officially celebrated in Mauritius. It is because these days are natural opportunities to express appreciation. "Okay, it's Mother's Day. What do we do? Appreciate Mother!" It is a great time to share our appreciation, and, as Master says, be specific. Talk about specific points, because that will make her feel you really thought about it and your appreciation has heartfelt sincerity behind it. In June we have Father's Day, the man's turn, and in September we have Grandparent's Day.

A few years ago a number of our youth devotees in Malaysia held a surprise Mother's Day event. Let me share part of their description of it. "After the normal satsang events, bhajans and meditation, we announced our surprise, got each amma to come forward and stand in front, and each of her children put a huge garland on her and gave her a bookmark, a card, and a beautiful single rose package (all done by us), and prostrated to each amma's feet, hugged her and wished her well on this day. By now, most ammas were already busy wiping away small bits of tears from their eyes!"

Our last story of appreciation is about the boss of one of our devotees. She was quite happy about a new job, in particular the way in which her new boss showed appreciation to her and others in her work group. She begins: "I really did want to show my appreciation to my boss and what better way than to show it on Boss's Day? I marked it on my calendar and took him to lunch at a restaurant of his choosing and got him some gifts. When I did this, all of my co-workers were reminded about Boss's Day. They too went out to get balloons, gifts and cards for their boss as well. The two supervisors said they did not even realize that it was Boss's Day. They had never celebrated it before, and they were so thankful for everything. As a matter of fact, both bosses were overjoyed that we thought about them, as they have been doing a lot for us."

In conclusion, make the gratitude and appreciation sadhanas part of your life. Take time to write down the many events for which you are thankful. Then choose at least one person and verbalize your appreciation for who he is and how he has helped or inspired you. Remember, when sharing your love with others, be specific, smile and realize you are helping change the world for the better. Those you uplift will learn from your example and later uplift others in their life.