"The Skilled profession of Child-Rearing."

Bringing children into this world is not only a nature given right, but also carries with it a God given responsibility. Society demands training if one is to be a lawyer,Accountant or any other profession for that matter. But how come few are prepared for parenting - the most demanding of occupations!!

I believe that ideally no one should graduate from school/college without having taken classes on how to be responsible adult and a good parent.Children are taught how to cook, sew,to keep books, even how to operate computers today.This is all indeed good, but they also need to be taught how to deal with life.

The proper training of children begins in the home. The schools have "gone to pot" so to speak.But the deteriorating environment there , is not entirely the fault of the schools/colleges. We must lay the blame where it belongs-lack of right education in the home.

I do admit raising children is a hard task in this day and age. But no parent has the right to bring a child into this world and then abdicate his/her responsibility to guide the child rightly. Who would plant in their garden a seed or a little plant and leave it to develop by itself, with out care and protection? If you want it to grow healthy and straight you have to put beside it a strong support, so that it does not bend over or break when the winds blow.

We have a responsibility to our younger ones, and it is a shame when parents neglect that responsibility. If God had not intended that parents guide their children, babies would be hatched from eggs, produced and then abandoned by the parents-left to hatch and grow by themselves, like turtles do !

Children need loving discipline. You have to guide children with firmness but also with Love. Children are like tender plants,to grow properly and to blossom into their full potential, they need nurturing and pruning-guidance with love and the understanding only parents can give to them.Every child needs to have dialogue with some one who has that understanding which he has not yet gained , but will develop if he is given the right guidance, and this can be done only by parents.

The formative years of a child is very important during this period , should be taught right moral attitudes and right behaviour-not only through words but also as living examples.Lack of such parental guidance is a major factor in the tragic breakdown of moral standards and behaviour,which has done more than anything else to destroy the family unit(y)- and the end result-emotionally crippled children and gradually becomes emotionally crippled adults, who has developed a feeling of rejection which leads to bitterness towards family and society as a whole. They feel that the world has not given them their just due- Mind you, their parents are their world,and they have to ensure that such situation does not arise.

Mother and Father each have different role in the upbringing of children and both are equally important.The Mother is the principal one to nurture the children in their infancy-It does not mean that she is the only one, but she is the logical parent to give the most of the early care and to instill in the children the training that is so necessary in the primary years. It is she who nourishes the infant from her own body and at the same time father should also bear his share of responsibility. As the child grows it needs the companionship, nurturing and understanding of both the parents, and therefore it is the common duty of both father and mother to attend to the raising of the children.

It is indeed a skilled profession to bring up children,to understand their needs as each one is different. In the eyes of God we are all souls, possessing the same qualities as the Divine.But each one has free will and independent intelligence, we have developed in different ways with unique pattern of 'karma'(the effects of past actions), each child must be understood as an individual.

It is very important that parents cultivate the right relationship with their children.Do not try to be like your children. You are their parents, and not their brothers and sisters.Teach them and guide them to Love and respect you as parents. I don't believe in the "buddy-buddy" relationship- It is either healthy or helpful to a child, instead it is always better to be a responsible father and mother.

Keep effective communications open with children in order to train them.Let them have a feeling that they can confide in you. Encourage them to be truthful by allowing them to say whatever is in their mind. If you turn your child away because he has told you, something you do not like,the child will become evasive, trying to mask his true feeling and to hide behaviour of which you will know will disapprove and he will instead will seek out for some one else as his confident. It is far far better you be that friend, the one to whom he can always turn for understanding.

Take time to talk with your children. Answer their questions and explain your guidance to them in a language , they can understand- You just can't say, Don't do it.You have to have reason with the child in a way that will get him to listen. Remember, one
learns with listening, even if one does not agree with everything that is said". Encourage the child in willingness to listen. Constructive words will remain etched in his consciousness. He will be grateful for them when one day he himself becomes a parent.Good rapport with your children has to begin in the early years. If you wait until a problem arises,it will be far more difficult to open those lines of communication at that time.

Never force your spiritual views on your children. Don't tell them, ever, just because 'am meditating you 're going to meditate-No No, it's an incorrect approach and totally refrain from it. Children are like flowers ,allow them to grow up and develop their own personalities and there is nothing wrong with that. Your part is to provide them with the right examples and sense of direction that they love to accept to carry on with their responsibilities.

It is important to teach children to accept responsibility. I have seen and known of families in which parents do everything -all the cooking,cleaning,gardening etc. and the child is engrossed in TV watching, or goes off to visit his/her friends and has no chores. This is not right. Why do parents feel that they must do everything? Why are they not giving the child the kind of guidance that will help him/her to develop skills and responsibility?The child grows up to be a careless and unreliable man or woman who does not know how to train his/her own children. These habits are passed on from generation to generation, as today many young people are the victims of our having failed in our duty to them.

Children should be taught to learn at an early age that nothing comes without effort. One has to work,he has to merit what he receives in this world.This principle is important.If a child is given everything he wants, he does not learn the value of anything. Teach the child that he should contribute his part to the family,to his circle of friends, to his community. That prepares him to cope with what others will expect of him as an adult.

Parents are often too indulgent with their children "I want to give my child everything I didn't have-"mere nonsense" Give him a chance to unfold to achieve, to meet the challenges of life with your help and support so that he becomes a strong individual. You cannot protect him from everything, nor can you assure his happiness by catering to his whims, and in the long run, it will not help him, if you try to do so.

One thing I would like to emphasise is, if you give your child an assignment, see that he fulfils it.Do not spank the child, but insist. Once good habits have been formed, the child will automatically do what is right.

Young ones will do what is asked of them if they feel they are helping and contributing.Make them feel they are sharing. Give praise and encouragement.Make them want to do it. Be sure that the responsibility is not greater than the capacity of the child, and when he does it give a reward.

Each of us has within us intelligence endowed by God with which we are to accept responsibility for ourselves,and to learn how to make the right choices in life. The duty of parents is to help guide their children along these lines while giving them freedom to follow their own natures. Do not make a general rule,because every one is unique in their own way and different, as some are more matured than others of the same age.

So many parents do not even know the friends with whom their children are associating-and then the children in turn think "My parents don't care". Very often children are glad that parents care enough to put their foot down and establish rules. But this has to be begun at an age when the children respect the training.Do not wait until they are teenagers, because by then it may be too late, as they would have accustomed to more independence than you will want them to exercise.

To summarise, would like to to leave you with one vital point i.e The best chance for success in raising children is if the parents themselves set the right standards by their own examples .Children need to see that the results of those standards imposed on them are beneficial. When guidance is given by example with love and understanding, it will enhance the Karmic good already present in the children and provide opportunity for further growth.

To thus nurture inherent good tendencies and to plant seeds of new ones in young lives given into their care is the God given duty of parents-
A HIGHLY SKILLED PROFESSION,INDEED IS CHILD REARING!!

AND NOW LET ME CONCLUDE WITH A SAYING OF
SRI SRI.PARAMAHANSA YOGANANDA.

"There is a power that will light your way to health,happiness,peace and success, if you will but turn toward that light."

Source:-

This article is a compilation from the writings of
Sri Sri Daya Mata, YSS/SRF from "How to live-series."

For the benefit of the Readers please.