Be patient & Caring.

Be Patient And Caring

There is an old saying: "If you can't beat them, join them," and this is wise in certain respects. We are thinking of the young adults who will not follow the traditional family patterns of their well-raised parents. Admittedly, they can be made to fear their parents and be forced to obey for a time. The problem with such an approach is that it usually ends up with the sons or daughters losing respect for them and leaving home as soon as they are able.

Often parents take the authoritarian approach, not realizing there are alternatives, well-proven techniques of a more positive discipline. In actual practice, it is more useful to work with children little by little as they grow and mature. They can be reasoned with and will be very open if the parents show a definite interest in their cross-cultural way of life and their natural inclinations, one of which is to keep in with their peers. To lament the modern young adult's behavior, to merely criticize it, is not going to help, and may cause, in the case of sensitive children, irreparable damage.

My advice to parents has always been to stay close to their children, but at the same time give them some space to grow and mature in today's world. Today's world is not all that bad. But children must be taught how to live in it-what to be wary of, whom to trust, whom to befriend and marry, how to proceed in business, social life, education, career upscaling, religious life and on into the raising of their own family. So, keep the communication lines open.

True, today's world has its challenges, its temptations and definite drawbacks, but it is today's world and the world of tomorrow. We can't ignore that fact. We cannot recreate yesterday's world or wish for the return of olden days. We have to move forward and teach the children to move the forces of the outside world for a better world in the tomorrows that are to come. So, be wise and pass your deeply profound Hindu culture and wisdom along to the children so they can make proper decisions for themselves. This is what they will do anyway, make their own decisions, so they might as well be trained early on how to do it right. Who better to teach them this than their own parents? True, times have changed, and things may never be as they were, but the religious and cultural traditions of the former generation are still valid and must be passed on gently yet firmly to the modern children, educated to think for themselves rather than simply carry out orders from elders. Don't close the doors on them. This will not help society or the family unit. Nor will it fulfill the dharma of parenthood.

Parents of all ages and all cultures have always worried about their teenagers, so take heart. Don't give up on them. They are the future. Some must learn by their own mistakes, while others, more sensitive, thoughtful and loving, who are polite enough to at least listen, can learn by the mistakes and successes of their parents. So, communicate your wisdom to them; whether they listen or not makes no difference for the time being. Your message, given with conviction but without anger or resentment, sinks deep into their subconscious mind, making a positive samskara. To accomplish this best, give it just before bedtime, when they are more open and less defensive. It will be their last thought before sleep. Don't rant and rail during the day. That will simply sow the seeds of long-lasting animosity and create division within the family. At night before sleep--this is the key to getting your message through. Also, before sleep, all differences must be resolved, lest they become unwanted vasanas to be worked through later in this life or the next.

Source: KHM