Abhivadhaye................Humour

Subject: Abhivadhaye... : Humour..............

This is yet another fine humourous piece of writing, obviously, by a Kerlite Iyer settled in the US. To get the right flavour one should be familiar with the peculiar accent the Keralite Iyers speak Tamil in, as the dialogue at many places is in Tamil but written in English. Though I've translated the dialogues into English for the benefit of non-Tamil readers, I am afraid it may not convey the essence and flavour of the mail.

This would also give you in a nutshell an insight into the journey -

and progress - of poor Iyers from their tiny hamlets in Kerala to Chennai, Mumbai, Calcutta and finally now to the US.

The story is akin to that of Pilgrim Fathers, the original Britons and other Europeans who sailed for and made permanent settlement in the US.
Cris iyer
America Gothrasya..

Middle class Kerala Iyers have lot in common with gypsies. "Udhara Nimitham" they travel to far way places. Srinivasan, armed with a certificate in typewriting & Pitman's short hand, few pencils and borrowed twenty -thirty rupees , would reach Madras(now Chennai ) Central and wire home - " Arrived safe - send Padhu ". By the time his brother Padhu - Padmanabhan - is able to muster enough money for his emigration, Srini would have located a small room in Triplicane or Mylapore , the house owner willing to overlook double occupancy for an additional one rupee. Not only that, he would have secured a job and also would have enrolled himself in night college for higher studies. Later Padhu would reach Madras and wire for Rangu, Ranganathan, their athai's son. This migratory chain has improved lot of struggling families financially and has helped to provide a better launching pad for their children.

Once a gypsy always a gypsy. The children of these emigrants to Chennai, Mumbai and Calcutta have the nomad bug in their blood. So if they seek greener pastures elsewhere, the fault is not in them but in their genes. Most of the second generation of Iyers- boys & girls are in the States. This dawned on me when I attended a marriage in Chennai recently.

Gone are the days when " mamas' used to discuss A.G's office, audit reports, superiority of PPF over LIC for saving , procedures for getting MIG houses allotted, carnatic music & cricket, though not necessary in the same order. Gone too are the days when "Mamis' used to discuss kanjeevaram saris, ' vishesham ' (ceremony) or the lack of it for all recently married girls around them, cookery & their child prodigies - again not necessarily in the same order.

Now the gents discuss Computers, US economy vis-a-vis Indian economy, Clinton, Tiger Woods & baseball while the ladies debate on what they would have done to Clinton if they were in Hillary's shoes. Not only the topics of conversation has changed but also the attitudes.

I was surprised to see my " Ammanji " (nephew) in Levis jeans and Bradford shirt. All through his service in GIC he had attended his office in dhothi and slack shirt -always white.

" Enna Ammanji, rombha change ayutele ?"(Hey, nephew, u hv changed a lot!) I asked him.

" Dressaa! Yellarum kekhara. OHIO poiruthena, pazhkamaittudhu . Pullayandaan chonnaan- appaku ithuthan nanarukunu. Nee America poyirukoyo. You've to go & see. What a country , I say. Ange yellarum start counting with the thumb. Nammala mathri chinna veralalla. What saving of energy. I say. (O, this dress? Everyone keeps asking me – had been to Ohio - son says this dress will be ideal for kaka. Have you been to America ? – u hv to go & see. What a country. There everyone counts with their thumb like we do with our fingers)

" Parukutti enke iruka ". I enquired about his daughter. (Where’s ur daughter, Parukutti?)

"She's in Washington. Mappilai vandhu Compaq le irukkan. Ava angaye veedu vankiyachu. House documents vandhu one single sheet of paper thaan. Ingamathri papdakettu alla. Nee veedu vankinatha chonnale. Evalvu achu? " (She’s in Washington. Son-in-law is working for Compaq. They have bought a house there – and the document consists of a single sheet! – not like the pack of papads we have in India. I’m told you too have bought a house – how much did you pay?)

" Ten lakhs " I said.

"Oh! Just one million ! " said Ammanji with a typical American shrug.

His wife joined us. I observed that she has come back to sari from 18 muzham (half a yard) and there was slight tinge of lipstick. Knowing well that she had, years ago, starved Ammanji for a whole day, just because he accidentally rubbed against a lady in 29C Perambur Bus, I needled her.

" Enna Mami, Clinton Eppadiirukkar. " (Hello, Aunty, Hows Clinton?)

" Aanglaana konjamellam irukkathaan irukum. Ithelaam poi perisakkindu. Hillarye othuporatha ivangluku ethuku impeachment vendi kidaku. Saniangal ". (Males will always be males – a reference to Clinton’s affair with Monica – people should not make too much noise about it. When his wife Hillary has forgiven him, why the bast.rds are talking about his impeachment?)

I moved away and joined my Athaan, whose son was also in the States. He too had just returned after visiting his son and was extolling the virtues of American system to a group ,who was hanging on to each of his words. " Brahmaopadesam- 2000 ". Perhaps.

"....they value time. Nammalamathiri vettipechu onum kidayathu. There, you cannot even walk into your son's house without appointement. Son vanthu pathi nallakum officeke pogamattan. Lap tople work panni he will connect it to his office computer. Zoom ..... . Data ellaam anke poaychu. Son ippo Pennsylvanialeyakum. Aduthu transferundu. Oregon ku poran. Pakkamthaan. Kerala-Tamilnadu mathiri. " (They value time and don’t while away their time like we do. There, you cannot even walk into your son’s house without appointment. My son doesn’t go to office but will work from home on his laptop and zoom! and the data all transferred. Son is in Pennsylvania but is likely to be transferred to Oregon shortly, very
close to each other like Kerala-Tamil Nadu)

While the children are busy creating computer history in America, their parents are keeping themselves busy changing American geography!

Somebody was nudging me from back. It was my cousin Seshu. Dr. Seshadhri, in fact. His father, a rice merchant, had purchased him a medical degree from Patna Medical College. Since they are only enquiring into fodder scam, his medical degree is safe. For the time being. Though wealthy by birth and not dependent on his profession for lively hood, he was not in his elements when I last met him. The joke then going round was that, his patients used to insist that his compounder see them and used to take his prescriptions only if the compounder approved.

Today he looked very radiant.

"Ennadda, neeyum Americava" I asked. (Hey, you too are in America?)

"Nee onnu. Nan ippo specialist akkum " (you dunno, I’m a specialist)

"Enna Patna le M.D ium vikkaraala ". I couldn't resist. (Why, in Patna, even MD degrees are sold?)

" Kindala !. Inge vanthrukkale. Pathiperuku ethathu America connection iruku. Meethi padhiku vaytherichal. America poga mudiyalayenu. They are my patients. I specialise in " American Heartburn ". Ennodu clinic nee ippo parukanam. Ore American ambience than. Visitors roomle koodi SPAN magazine thaan padikka vechirukken. Nan ippo Glaxo, Boots onnum ezuthardhuille. American Remedies mathramthan. Nalla busy. Full tight work." (Poking fun at me! Half my relatives have some America connection, and the rest have heartburn they couldn’t make it. You must see my clinic – it has an American ambience – you will find SPAN magazine in visitors room. Now I don’t prescribe Glaxo or Boots medicines – but only American Remedies. Very busy, full tight work)

I met our family priest. " Ponnuku kalyanamaacho " (your daughter is married now?)I enquired.

" Onnum sariyayitulle. Ethaadhu case irundha chollu ". (No, nothing has worked out. If you have a boy known to u, let me know)

" Oru case irukku. Anal ashtasahasram akkum ". I said. (Yeah, I know of a case, but his gothra is Ashtashastram)

"Aiyo yo. Vendam. Vendam . Nangal Vadamalakkum. Brihacharanthukukoodi ponna kudupen. Eightthousandku matten". He said with great disdain. (Aiyyayyo! Shucks, no, no, we don’t accept a boy other than from our sub-sect, Vadamal.)

"Pullai America le computer engineer akkum".I threw a bait. (The Boy is a computer engineer in America – I threw a bait!)

There was a long pause. " Kadal kadantha sub-sect/ gothram onum parukandanu Periyavale chollirukar. Nee jathakam vangitha ". (We have come crossing the seven seas – even the learned ones have said we need not bother about gothram and sub-sect being in agreement.

Perhaps America might unify the divided and subdivided Iyers. Don't be surprised if your grandson comes back, says his Abhivadana sloka

"Abhivadaye,.... America Gothrasiya.. .